Home » Uncategorized » An extra heartbeat in the house.

An extra heartbeat in the house.

I’m going to skip forward 5 months to the present for this post, live in the day as people tell me! Farcical funeral will follow at a later date.

Small person and I have a house guest, another small scruffy creature to match the small scruffy creature that lives here full time with me. Both have hair that has a mind of it’s own, to be fair mine is usually pretty much similar (I do try but I always look like I’ve either had a great night in bed with someone (forgotten what that feels like, honestly think it’s sealed back over) or just that I’ve dragged myself through a hedge backwards…..the later is far more likely), and both have this amazing capability to either sleep, eat or bounce about like they’re on some sort of sugar rush or LSD trip. Thankfully both are house trained and will eat anything so that’s helpful. This small creature is half yorkie and half some other sort of terrier, has a little curl on the top of her head and a couple on what I call her “flaggy tail”. She’s a dear little doggy, only about 2 years old and with the same sort of “I can be fun but I’m also seriously my OWN character” so matches the other small to a tee.

My small person used to be terrified of dogs, no matter what size, if one came bounding over to us she would literally leap up and cling on to me (thanks, your pretty heavy now and that’s my back gone again) but the moment she met Stella she fell into some sort of doggy love heaven. If I can find it I’ll post a video of them playing Sax, let’s just say the playing the matched the singing!! She has this weird sort of infinity with animals, my parrot hates me, I’m sure it would honestly claw my eye’s out if it could and every time I try to even top up it’s food bowl it swings down with eye’s like something out of “IT” and takes a chunk out of my finger. Small person goes over and it asks for tickles and takes a grape out of her hand like she’s the second coming. I just feed it chicken, along with obviously all the things they should eat and love but it’s partial to a bit of chicken. It’s called Coco but I think Cannibal would be more apt. (It’s likes chips and peas too).

Anyway, back to the dog. There seem to be dog people, I like to think I’m one of them but for the ones I’m going to talk about I’m glad that normally we just have a mental cannibal parrot and an utterly pointless hamster. (Mum friends from school with dogs, this is NOT you because you are all sane and normal!) The local park where my parents live, it’s a great park, fantastic stuff for the kids to give you heart tremors on and loads of wide open space but the other dog walkers you couldn’t make up;

“The Dog Father” – yes, this is what he call’s himself and is known as. He’s a nice bloke, ex army and now just lives with a ludicrous amount of massive dogs. He always walks in his full cammo gear, big pockets full of dog treats and everyone seems to literally bow (wow, scuse the pun!) down to him. He likes my parents a lot and has mentioned he’d love to be their son in law…………….erm, no, quite happy to stay sealed over thank you, man in cammo trousers is not something I wish to consider or tackle the tackle with. He’s not my type at all and I always excuse us and rush off to the slides and life threatening play ground equipment with small to avoid him.

“The strange lady” – bless her but she is odd. She lives alone with her dog’s, divorced a drunk husband years ago so the afternoon walk is her life. She’s one of life’s complainers though, nothing is ever right or good or happy. The highlight of her day is asking what everyone’s having for dinner that night as she never cooks. “Oh no, my ready meals, I couldn’t even peel a carrot, I love my ready meals”. She also complains about feeling tired and not too good, not surprised if that’s what you exist on, resist urge on many an occasion to ask if she could manage to at least peel a banana.

“The, I know it all” – I look at this one with amazement, considering she walks a lot she’s obviously eating far more ready meals than the above lady or just existing on twenty cakes a day as she’s rather large. She’s the Delphic Dog Oracle, she knows……….honestly, she does, in her mind. She will argue over everything, colours, breeds because she KNOWS. I just bite my lip and every time I do that I end up thinking of Fifty Shades of Grey and then I get the giggles. I might no longer get any action but I have read about it happening and sort of remember!

They are the three that are always there, there must be some dog walking law that they demands they have to be. To be fair, being single is rotten so knowing you’ve got some point in your day where you will see people is a good thing. Going to take a pocket full of banana’s next time we go and maybe I might take a homemade meal ready to reheat too, because I’m kind like that.


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