Arrive at posh golf club for wake. Small is quite cheery now, maybe the thought of sandwiches and cake did help after all and of course the ludicrous amount of Haribo’s that have now been consumed. Complicated conversations about what exactly happens to Daddy and his box and can Daddy see us still now fudged round without exactly lying, lots of pointing at things out of window to distract, look there’s a pretty tree…………
Thankfully parents arrive at same time, Small person is off to find the food, hit the bar area, drink required. Look around at sea of faces, see mainly two faced ones with the odd exception, decide that if I can’t be kind then I’d better be vague, swig cider and prepare for monotonous chat.
So sorry for your loss, if there’s anything we can do just ask. Like a cracked record this repeats over and over, remember to smile sweetly and not roll eyes. Know that most are not genuine, people will go straight back to ordinary lives and not give slightest toss. Free food and drink is what it’s all about along with day off work.
How are you, are you looking after yourself in this difficult time. Another stupid statement, begin to ponder level’s of evolution and conclude some people really ought to reside in a zoo. Resist urge for sarcastic response, bite tongue and smile and nod. Swig cider and grab some food from buffet to prove can still manage eating so therefore looking after self.
Seek out Small person, she’s having a blast. Playing hide and seek with Nanny and Granddad, lot’s of giggling going on and running about. Love seeing her smile and laugh, heart cannot be heavy when she’s about, smile to self.
Two hours pass, track down Head Hillbilly sitting at table eating. Like some sort of king, awaiting the minions to go to him although most seem to be at bar area and enough food left to feed starving children in Africa. Roll eyes as did say he didn’t need that much. Think of Henry VIII as chicken bone is chewed, nothing good came of him either, another arrogant person. Introduced to endless round of further Hillybilly’s, most of which never heard of before. Wonder if possibility of actual inbreeding as so many.
Bored now and tired, patience running at serious low levels and crapometer squealing enough. Making pointless conversation with individuals all vying for who knew him best, who knew him longest. Point out sarcastically that as such good friends was so kind of them to visit him so often. Stunned silence as only one ever did. Ask for no further late night drunk calls wailing their loss as seriously do not need it, it’s not helpful and not qualified to be a counsellor for others guilt.
Collect platter of grub to take home, shame to waste quite so much and actually quite tasty. Say polite goodbyes and explain Small is tired and needs home now. Small is actually getting bored, only so many places to play hide and seek and too many weird random strange people wanting to ask if she’s alright. She’s half left too, this is not got by most, sure now that several do actually have to return to zoo later and perhaps evolution is not equal to all.
Thank parents for playing and supporting, they also are glad to leave as are not exactly members of the Hillybilly fan club either.
Home feels very different, lighter, brighter and strangely happier. New carpet and wooden floor help massively but atmosphere also changed. No longer have to be quiet, no longer have to tread on egg shells on bad days, no longer have to explain that we can’t have friends over because Daddy is poorly, no longer having someone ring every 10 minutes when out.
Small tucks into platter of food, turns on TV and zones out. Pour large wine and look out at church opposite. Silently tell him that we did it, we got through it, apologise for playing of ridiculous song and make no brainer promise to look after Small.
Smile and experience overwhelming feeling of freedom. Don’t look back, think about endless possibilities and chance to lead life resembling some sort of normal, less worrying, less restricted. Raise glass towards church and give him a wink.